Dating Violence

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Signs You Could Be Dating an Abuser

  • Is jealous and possessive, won't let you have friends, checks up on you, won't accept breaking up.
  • Tries to control you by being very bossy, giving orders, making all the decisions, not taking your opinions seriously.
  • Puts you down in front of friends, tells you that you would be nothing without him or her.
  • Scares you. Makes you worry about reactions to things you say or do. Threatens you. Uses or owns weapons.
  • Is violent. Has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others. Grabs, pushes, shoves, or hits you.
  • Pressures you for sex or is forceful or scary about sex. Gets too serious about the relationship too fast.
  • Abuses alcohol or other drugs and pressures you to take them.
  • Has a history of failed relationships and blames the other person for all the problems.
  • Makes you family and friends uneasy and concerned for your safety.

If You Want Out of an Abusive Relationship

  • Tell a family member, a friend, a counselor, a clergyman, or someone else whom you trust and can help. The more isolated you are from friends and family the more control the abuser has over you.
  • Keep a daily log of the abuse.
  • Do not meet your partner alone. Do not let him or her in your home or car when you are alone.
  • Avoid being alone at school, work, on the way to and from places.
  • Tell someone where you are going and when you plan to be back.
  • Plan and rehearse what you would do if your partner became abusive.
  • If you are a student, alert the school counselor or security officer.

How to Be a Friend to a Victim of Dating Violence

  • If you notice a friend is in an abusive relationship, don't ignore signs of abuse. Talk to your friend.
  • Express your concerns. Tell your friend you're worried. Support, don't judge.
  • Point out your friends stregths, many people in abusive relationships are no longer capable of seeing their own abilities and gifts.
  • Offer to go with them for help.
    • If you are a teen: Encourage them to confide in a trusted adult. Talk to a trusted adult if you believe the situation is getting worse.
  • Never put yourself in a dangerous situation with the victim's partner. Don't be a mediator.
  • Call the police if you witness an assault.
  • If you are a teen: Tell an adult, a school principle, parent, guidance counselor.